I am not quite ready to discuss anything that might be bothering but in the sense. Yes. this isn't about what you think its about. Admittedly, I have not been on her for a ridiculously long time. I only just felt inspired to do this. I am impulsive as you all know and so . Here we are. Nothing too flashy. I'm only doing this for myself. As a kind of reflective journal for me to be able to look back on in times of boredom and soul searching. Am I tired? Sick? Bored? No, not at all. Just shelving my attempts at something great like a lot of the other folk I see on TV. Recording past and present experiences for the future. That's what this is really about. Not my friends or influences or anything. Juts memories. Now that I've made that clear to the future me. Let's get started.

Brandt Brauer Frick is a classical/electronic band that I'm listening at the VERY moment. They're decent. But then again I think that everything's decent so. I'm kind of unsure of my lief right now. What bothers/keeps me up at night is religion/cigarettes. I am not Christian any more, am I? I don't know. Is the existence of God mainly a way for society to enforce its norms on people.Is it all a scam? Why am I wondering so much? Don't we all deserve the truth? Wait, no. That's just utter bullshit. Truth is what you make of it.

I just watched a video by Erick Oh, a UCLA school of Theatre and Music graduate, called 'Heart'. Why? I saw it somewhere on a blog I read (now anyway)  called You, Me and Charlie. You might have heard of it. It's kind of a big deal (I think it is anyway). It was very good and I felt thoroughly inept of doing any good after that. It shattered me and I felt insignificant. But I was having another one of existential crisis that my friend thinks are permanent with me. I never know what to say to those kind of observations. Does one laugh? Anyway. My art however isn't suffering form this. It's sort of getting better. It is true when they say the all artists are probably heart-broken or break their own hearts to make something even slightly emotional. They're all emotionless in real life and have nothing to offer but a novel, a painting and a sonnet.

Haven't been reading a lot. Last thing I laid eyes on was 'Atala and Rene' by French author, François Rene de Chateaubriand. Nice name right? The absolute best way to introduce yourself. Nothing to it. It's very quotable if anything. But I'm usually more on top of older works so I do not understand why I cannot keep this up.

Juicebox by the Strokes. It's just very good. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not hipster and actually listen to mainstream music like the Strokes. The entire discography agrees with me (has been agreeing with me the entire month). I haven't listened to a band for such a long stretch ever. And not like one album. Every single song on all four (?) albums. And a bit of the solo efforts during that hiatus. Music-wise. It's been like folk as well. Grizzly Bear's Gun-Shy is a fixture with me. The video was made by the independent Creators' Project that I am a big fan of. It's a good one.

I haven't said everything. Sorry for the long post. I leave you with a few wise words (of random selection)

- "Forgive them, even if they are not sorry.". This is from Julian's solo album 'Phrazes for the Young', the single's called '11th Dimension'. Bye.

reasons why i haven't been on here in a while.

i'll make this short and fast.
i haven,t posted in very long because of my incredibly, amazing, blindingly light that is my life.
never again will i attempt to escape. stay together.

1) Nat & Alex Wolff : once of the horrible Nickelodeon show, The naked brothers band, these two amazeball guys have managed to escape the bond that is teenybopper. i so proud of them. their new album, black sheep, dropped late last year. though its a bit trying-too-be-indie-, its interestingly deep AND IMMATURE AT ONCE. I REALLY LIKE it.

2) im kinda malay now. sadly.

3) The movie : its kind of a funny story. with a couple of newbies. i only know emma roberts and zach galfinakas. and stuff. forgetting that awful blunder. good coming-of-age story, teenager facing his fears, finding love (might not be true) and generally becoming a better person. happiness and indie music ( there were references to vampire weekend, bob dylan, radiohead) all this in new york.

4) the art trip to the v & a museum i have on monday.

5) my friends and how much i love them. me being not completely forever alone. i'll get married, hopefully.

6) this photo of green day

end of story. see you on the flip side.

Punting.

Punting: Travelling downriver in a punt to do some sightseeing.
That's my almost entirely incorrect definition. I did this today for no pleasure, it was a purely academic venture for Art even though I would be going with.
Needless to say, it was very pleasant and entertaining. I was very surprised by the beauty that Cambridge holds and now I have tons more respect for it.

These are some photos I took.

Movie Review & Music 17/02/12

took the train to Bluewater along with my very-sick cousins to go flaunt how awesome we were. general stuff, y'know. we took a vote on what movie we would watch.
Star Wars Episode I in 3D or Chronicle (we're sci-fi freaks)
It's obvious which one I picked. The Force.
Anyway. It ended up being Chronicle. I got outvoted (as usual, Darth Maul will simply have to wait).

But it was a REALLY good movie. so good I may have to buy the dvd when it gets out. if you haven't seen it, it's up to you to choose to read this part of the post. it would suck if the details were revealed to you.
The screenplay and plot and actors and the way it was presented and its sincerity and....
yeah. u get it. it shows how real teenagers would act if they got powers. yeah, I'm loooking at you, Peter Parker. and that's all I'm saying. Just go watch it.

Also. Cameron Mitchell. if you are not a Gleek, this name will not send butterflies to your soul. Part of the Glee Project that took place late last year, he is an aspiring musician. though he left the show for religious reasons (yes. it ISN'T the end of the teenager), he'll still moving forward.
his confidence and hipster-nerd style has really set him apart from the rest. His variety of ranges and slow raspy voice (very John Mayer who he says is a big influence) and stunning guitar-playing is very appealing to both the ears and the soul.

Anyway, he's going to blow up. And you'd wanna get on the bandwagon now. just saying.

As for his looks, I'll leave that for you to judge.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=4_vMiALYhGs

here's his youtube. you're welcome.

Train Ride.

am I broken-hearted?
is that the reason why my eyes water sometimes? all of a sudden?
but only when I think of you.
is that that why I look in your direction so often?
is that why I feel so alone?
is that why my heartbeat is so loud?
my palms are sweaty, my body goes into shock. everything seems a little faster than me.
why? I can't.... be this. I fear the worst. for both of us.
loneliness captivates me like a magic trick. the endless silences. the head throbbing. the incessant beeping of inner clocks as time walks by and I have less time to be. with you.
endings open like yawning mouths.
I fear the worst. but now, only for me.

Matty!

How awesome is this photo?

ACADEMIA?

I feel oddly rebellious posting this as the initial anger has fled from my being. I shall do it anyway because after reading through it, I discovered some truths.

"my mind is numbing very gradually
 my mouth is dry, no words forming, only thoughts
 in my mind. just as it numbs.
 i tire of academia.
 the entire institution of school is pulling at my threads.
 my legs flop, dead from hours of sitting
 like life being pulled away, i feel remorse and
 sincere detachment. everything is silent and
 heads bow, solving everything thrown at them.
 silent mind and pencil scraping are one.
 i tire. ever more."

Reading.

I got "The Catcher in the Rye" yesterday. Book's so fucking fantastic! I'll probably read it like five times. Anyway, I haven't much to say expect that this book "kills" me and the canteen smells like a million dead cigars. No kidding.

OK, Fine. I Can't Help It.

I've been.. very recently, obsessing over Alexander Wang. And lookbook. And I really need some new shoes.
Gahhhhh!
Side note rumors: Is Amber Heard lesbian? If she is, Sucks to be a dude right now, eh?

Anyway, I hope I'm not the only one falling for the pastels, prints and mint coming our way this S/S season!
I feel bad for my wallet. This is like fashion turnover for me.

Saturday!

The day of fun purchases. oh yeah. I'm pretty proud of my bargains...

Music Monster: Some off-the-grid Green Day album from 1995 called "Insomniac" (for those who already know it, bear with me) showed up at HMV today. It took a while but I finally got the reserve to buy it. I am very happy that I did. and the album art is Stupidly Awesome!

It's by a Winston Smith. Really suits the album. These are some others that I really like.

Things I Wrote Down In My Notebook This Week.

Self-abgenation: the art of putting others' needs or others' careers before one's own. This was heavily parctised by Henri Matisse who is not my favorite artist but one of my favorite people.

 Songs I like that I heard of Last.fm -
      -The Fear by Lovett
      -El Capitan by The Steelwells
      -This Fine Progression by Eulogies.

"I want you to have a negative effect on me..."

There. All done.

#TeamToby

Oh yeah.

A Couple of Watched Things.

This is my movie recommendations post. I'll have weekly sections of it (I hope!).
These are movies I review and some I want to see, that I'm excited about... whatever.
Right. To the business.

1) I am probaly the biggest Matt Damon fan on this side of the Atlantic so The Bourne Collection goes up here.
    Just thinking about him makes me smile. Awwww....

2) Into The Wild. Sean Penn-directed true-life adventure flick starring a personal fave, Emile Hirsch.
    It's pretty gruesome but totally worth the watch. It's considered an indie flick, not very easy to find.
    Taught me a few life lessons and I hope it does the same for you.

3) Adventureland. The only Kristen Stewart movie I truly enjoyed because she was actually pretty good. Co-star: Jesse Einsenberg. It's a bit of a teen flick but it's the awkward-romancey type I live for. So.

That's the first round! ( Please bear with me) :)

Guess Who.

This is Logan Lerman. You may not know his name but you probably recognize this pretty face. He's Percy Jackson. Yeah, that guy! He's done a couple of other movies (The Three Musketeers, The Butterfly Effect). I'm particularly excited about his role in the adaption of Steven Chbosky's "The Perks Of Being a Wallflower" coming this March. He plays Charlie, an intelligent but socially inept teen, facing first love, cigarettes and friends.

It's gonna be good. Expect to have the BIGGEST crush on him. You and the rest of the World.

Cliques.

No. This is not some angry, isolated teen's writing. It's not personal. Just educational.
We need to get out of this state of mind of people not belonging to a certain group. Of having a particular kind of people we interact with. It's completely senseless only having with the same people. Do not shun or bring other people down just because you don't hang together. Just because they don't belong.
It's wrong and it's one of the problems of our generation.
Get out of your comfort zone and just say hi.
It's not difficult.

Playlist 1.

This is my friend, Aisha's Coldplay "Mylo Xyloto" playlist (in order of preference). More playlists like these will be coming at you.

1) Paradise
2) Up In Flames
3) Hurts Like Heaven
4) A Hopeful Transmission
5) Every Teardrop is a Waterfall

You can say how much you liked it on her blog or rape her reblog button, whatever you want : rockstarbeibay.tumblr.com

To Be Brave.

I've had a couple of epiphanies in my time. They usually take place on the bus, listneing to some vague Coldplay song off the "X&Y" album...
This time, my phone had died. And I was busy observing passing couples, mothers-with-children-in-tow and litters of students walk by. I felt very suddenly that they all had some greatness in them. Some ultimate, though extremely vague, purpose. Some would find it, others would not.
I had come close to mine once.... or what I felt was mine...
But that's a different story.

Madamoseille

"In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different" - Coco Chanel

Watering.

I've been thoroughly enjoying going up to people and asking them to read my blog. Funny how everyone's always surprised by the URL. Today, I am recommending we all go watch "The Woman In Black" which is Daniel Radcliffe's new horror flick! I am so excited! It's going to scare your socks off, so bring a friend, preferably of the opposite sex! (giggles)                                                                                                                                

I Just Wanna Say This...

Best friends are everything. I miss my girls a lot! They pushed me to do everything I couldn't and they listened and they cared. Big shoutout to Anita and Aisha. Much love, ladies..

fun youtube channel

i like this channel. he's funny and awkward in a Hugh Grant way. this is for the ladies' (and others!)

http://www.youtube.com/user/charlieissocoollike?feature=g-all-s

Women I Wished We All Looked Like

Sophia Loren, the unofficial love of my love.

This Is My Band Of The Moment!

May I present: Walk The Moon! They will become your favourite Everthing!

Lessons Learned.

lessons learned. i stay behind managing to slip into the wallpaper. disguise in your hefty presence. presenting nothing of what i have. i am but a flea on the tile of the bathroom you will never see, in the house you will never buy. unbelievable, i know. but it is of necessity. i don't want to be caught outside the dark so you don't see all my blemishes and bruises.

Legend.

Clutching At Straws At Night.

i don't know what to do. i have put you out of my mind for a while but you keep creeeping back in. please let me go. i don't want to feel like this anymore. clawing at my beating heart night after night, holding myself to fill the spaces. why? i'm too afraid to talk to you. afraid of your blatant disregard and rejecton. don't you think about me too? it can t have been unreal. tell me you feel it too. it won't go away. i can't stand it. this need...